[originally published in March 2017]

One evening in late October, I was catching up with a friend when I suddenly found myself breaking down.

“I’m going through a hard time,” I told her, choking back tears. “I had the worst summer of my life.”

The first statement was true, evidenced by my zombie-like daytime interactions and random, tear-filled outbursts on the subway (sorry, New Yorkers on the A train). But I’ll admit that the second was pure melodrama, sputtered only in retaliation to how the event I had most been looking forward to all summer had played out: my first Ironman.

Starting in May and continuing through September, I dedicated weekday mornings and full weekends to swimming, biking, and running to prepare for the 140.2-mile course of Ironman Maryland on October 1. I’ve run 10 marathons before, but I approached my training to this particular race with a new level of determination. I hired a triathlon coach, found a core group of training partners, and even upgraded my steel-framed bike to a triathlon-specific, carbon-fiber model from Specialized bikes.

I was dedicated. And come October, I was ready to crush the distance.

Unfortunately, the Ironman gods had other plans. On the morning of the race, the swim start was first delayed, then abruptly cancelled due to unsafe water conditions. We were left with only the bike and run portions of the course. While not insignificant feats, it was not the race course we had expected.

Crossing the finish line of my first Ironman-sanctioned race should have spurred feelings of elation, victory, and pride for pushing through a difficult challenge despite unfortunate circumstances (not to mention terrible weather conditions). But I didn’t feel any of those things. Instead, all I could feel was an overwhelming, crushing sensation of sadness and the scary prospect of the unknown.

Now what? Continue reading “Here’s Why You Might Feel Sad After Finishing a Marathon” →